How Many Nights
by wayward-tiger
Summary: Dean and Castiel face Dean's insecurities concerning him getting older.


How Many Nights

The streets were dark when the two men rounded the corner after having just eaten at the town's newest burger joint. The air was warm and heavy, clinging to people in beads of sweat with the spell of humidity. The empty alley the two men turned into was completely quiet, with the exception of the low chirping of crickets. They kept a slow, steady pace as they continued forward into the gold light of the single street lamp. Once both figures were directly underneath the light, the taller of the two came to an abrupt halt, sticking his hands in his front jean pockets while looking straight up at the starry sky.

Assuming something was wrong, the shorter of the two turned to face his company. The shorter man watched patiently as the other began to rub his thumbs against the denim fabric of his jeans, beginning to part his lips for conversation.

"Hey, Cas, how many nights like this have you experienced?" the taller man asked, removing one hand from his pocket to push back his hair that stuck to his forehead.

"Dean?" Castiel tilted his head with curiosity.

"How many?" Dean asked again, this time moving his gaze from the sky down to his shifting feet beneath him.

Castiel took in a breath before he straightened himself and took a step toward Dean. He gently took hold of Dean's elbow. With his thumb, Castiel slowly began to rub soothing circles into the pale skin that now rested in his rough palm. With his other hand, Castiel cupped Dean's jaw and tilted him so that they were able to see eye-to-eye. From this angle, Castiel could see a red heat beginning to form across Dean's face.

"Does it matter how many, Dean?" Castiel asked, still maintaining his soft hold on his partner.

"Cas, I know this isn't the first time. I also know that it won't be your last," Dean sighed, "But, let's not kid ourselves here. You're practically immortal. You never seem to age."

"Does my lack of aging upset you, Dean?" Castiel asked, hoping he was able to fix any offense he had made.

"No, it's not your lack of aging. The problem is my continuous aging." Dean's eyes began to water slightly after speaking his confession.

"I do not understand," Castiel was genuinely confused.

"In all the years that we've known each other—loved each other—you remain perfect while I continue to rust. I can't help but think you'll grow tired of me when I'm older. How you'll be embarrassed of me when I'm too crippled and grey to be of use to you. You wouldn't love me then."

Castiel released his hold for a moment and stared at Dean with his too-blue eyes in what could be described as shock. Taken aback by the startling confession of Dean Winchester, Castiel found it hard to maintain a sense of calm. After having spent a number of years alongside Dean as a friend and soldier, along with his countless years in place as his lover, Castiel had never once heard or even considered this to be a concern for Dean.

"I am not with you for your appearance," Castiel began, puffing out his chest in confidence, "I love you for who you are and who I am from knowing you. No amount of beauty or lack thereof would change that."

"But, Cas—" Dean was cut off by Cas pressing his index finger to Dean's lip.

"Dean Winchester, I will love you when your hair is as silver as the moon light. I will love you when a pleasant life allows your eyes to collect crow's feet in their corners. I will love you when your hands shake and your knees wobble with delicate bones. I will love you when you can no longer hear my loving whispers. I will love you until the end of time—far past the moments when you enter Heaven's Kingdom and are embraced with eternal rest."

Castiel watched Dean release a soft breath. In this light, Castiel could see every beautiful imperfection that made up everything perfect about Dean. Dean's hair was short ash brown with a mix of honey blonde strands. His eyes were a glowing green with fresh tears that threatened to spill from the corners. Under the golden lamp light, the freckles stood out against Dean's pale skin. Dean's lips were on the brink of bleeding from having been bitten so frequently during times of stress. Dean's chest rose and fell with every heavy breath he took.

"Dean, do you understand? There is no end to my loving you. I will be here for you through everything for as long as you'll have me."

With that, Castiel pushed himself forward, taking Dean into his arms and tipping up for a kiss. His lips were met by Dean's within seconds. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's waist while Dean rested his arms on top of Castiel's shoulders. They continued their kiss for a long moment before breaking apart.

"I love you, Cas," Dean whispered, lowering his neck to press his forehead against Castiel's.

"I love you, too, Dean." Castiel gave a quick, chaste kiss on Dean's cheek causing the hunter to blush more, "I always will."

After breaking apart for the last time, Castiel took Dean's hand into his own. Together, they resumed their short walk back to their nearby home. It was a good thing Sam finally convinced them to settle down for a change. Dean was starting to see what his future could be with Castiel.


End file.
